Forever growing, this boy of ours...

Oh Lordy the ways that Anthony has grown and changed lately. I swear he's sprouted up again, he's talking up a storm and learning more and more words daily, he's proving what a big brain he has and such a love of learning. He'll even sneak into our room in the early morning hours (I caught him with the books at 5 am one morning!) and just sit there and read the books. He loves the "Llama Llama" books. He gets them in the Imagination Library program. He'll carry the first one "Llama Llama Red Pajama" and sit and try to read it. He almost has the word llama down, so instead it always sounds like "Mama mama". Its so cute. He also knows the title of one of his other favorites that I had gotten from the Dollar Tree a while back. "Bubbles Bubbles" with the Sesame Street gang. Anthony loves that book, loves showing off that he knows where his eyes, nose, mouth, teeth, tongue, hair, ears, mouth, chin, fingers, toes, feet, tummy, and bellybutton are. His favorite is showing you his tongue when you ask where it is. He knows almost all the characters from Sesame Street along with almost all the shows that are on in the morning (Sesame Street, Sid the Science Kid, Clifford, SuperWhy, Calliou, and Barney) and even tries to sing some of the songs (Barney's "What should I do?" is VERY common!). He loves everything he gets to learn. Alphabet, numbers, words, people, ideas, colors, everything. He recognizes 0-10 for numbers, can count up to 20 (he gets stuck around 14 and 15, but almost always gets 19 and 20 right), recognize the whole alphabet, knows what some letters say, and is starting to form words from the letters he sees (like the s and t together say st), knows a ton of animals and what they say (some animals say some pretty whimpy whimpers, but we are getting there). He counts on fingers and likes to sort his cars by colors a lot. He'll even line up his HotWheels cars side by side. He's even very fast with the Tupperware ball that makes you have to put the correct shape in the correct whole. Not even trapezoids/squares, circles/ovals, hexagon/pentagon trip him up anymore. He's such a smarty pants!
He's fully into 24 month/2T stuff. He's grown out of all his 18 month, except anything that is shorts. He's still a skinny little rail, but he is developing a belly. He loves sticking it out too. Looks like a big ol' milk gut when he reall shoves it out. Pretty funny to see. He even loves getting himself dressed and undressed. We let him pick out what he wants to wear and most of the time, its Elmo. He also loves running around the house in his froggy rainboots. Most of the time, he'll put them on the right feet, but once in a while, he'll get them on the wrong one or one will be on backward. Silly lil man!
He's also found some small comforts that help him when he sleeps. We switched him from a crib to a toddler bed back not quite a month before his 2nd birthday after he chose to fall asleep on the toddler bed my mother in law had at her house. After that, we followed his lead and he's loved it ever since. He doesn't like being rocked to sleep anymore, he wants to climb into his big boy bed like a big boy and fall asleep like a big boy. Its precious, but I miss my cuddle times now! He loves sleeping with his Gloworm (he has one in his room always and a backup that stays in the toy box just in case the other one dies or goes missing), his blankie, and his HotWheels cars. We try to limit him to 2 cars, but he loves falling asleep with them in his hand. Hey, whatever gets him to sleep through the night, I'm all for it. Not that he has been sleeping through very often, but when he does, its a blessed thing.
We had thought he was ready for potty training, but he backed off on his own and decided he wanted to stay in diapers a little longer. We'd love to have him fully potty trained (at least during the day) by his next birthday. I think we just need more pairs of the lined undies, a few more pairs of regular undies, and a good stretch of time when I can put him on the pot every 30-45 mins and get him going like that. He's the only one in his KinderMusic class that isn't potty trained, so that is even more motivation for him and us. He gets worked up when someone else leaves class to go potty, so we try to tell him "If you start potty training too, you can do what they do and go potty during class." He has gone on a big boy potty too. At the St Cloud Mall in the Family Bathroom, they have a mini toilet. I got Anthony to do his business on it and he was SO PROUD! He hates sitting on the full sized toilet, so it was quite a feat that he was so ok with it. He was doing really well for awhile, but for some reason, he lost interest. I'm sure he'll want to pick up on it again. Then we can save the money spent on diapers (not that much, actually!) and regain some of the house back (those boxes are EVERYWHERE!) and he can start feeling like even more of a big boy.
His nap no longer consists of him climbing onto my lap and falling asleep on my chest. Instead, he likes to take (what use to be) my body pillow, put it on the couch, snuggle up with his Gloworm, blankie, sippy, and music, and fall asleep. He's such a bugger. One day he'll want to nap in his bed, but I'm thinking he'll do that when we move into a house and has access to his room all day long. He would now, but Adam's computer is in there and Anthony has a HUGE curious streak that runs deep and fast. He has to hyper-investigate everything. He's destroyed his room more than a few times, so we keep the door shut unless we can watch him. Also helps because one of the pieces of furniture my father in law anchored into the wall recently came off the wall and we don't want to take the chance it falls on him again. Yea, again. No, he hasn't gotten hurt (very minor bumps, no bruises) seriously, but no need to tempt the events. When we get things more arranged, that organizer is moving from his room to the living room.

We've decided its time to make some big changes in our home life. We've started the house search (UGH, what a headache!) and have found a few we like. Its quite the process and learning experience. You need some thick skin and brains about you, that's for sure! We hope to be moved out of this apartment in the next 6 months, but since we are month to month on the lease, we aren't being forced into a new lease and can leave almost anytime, provided we give our notice as usual. We have decided that since we are looking for a house we want to live in for a long time, we aren't settling at all. That's another reason we aren't in a huge rush. Yea, it would be nice to be moved into a new place by the start of summer, but that might mean we compromise what we really want, and who wants to live in a place they kinda sorta like, rather than a house that they LOVE? We'll see how the rest of that goes.
No, there aren't anymore babies on the way. I can imagine many people are thinking we are or something along those lines, but we have decided to keep all that info close to the heart and under wraps. But no, we aren't expecting right now. I'm too busy focusing on losing weight and getting healthy again. So far, I've lost nearly 14 lbs since we started working out at least 6 days a week back in mid-January. I'm pretty proud that its going so well and I'm still dedicated to going and getting healthy. Its not just for me, but I have to admit, seeing that muscle when I flex and watching my belly ever-so-slowly shrink, that's a high that makes me want to go more!

Nothing else really going on. Just living life, getting by, and enjoying little man. We get out to see Bailey's headstone about once a week. I'd love to be there more, but its just not possible. I feel I can be closer to her spirit when I open her memory box. I do need to get a start on collecting some new, beautiful flowers for her and refresh the decorations though. I send my thanks and love to those who have gone to visit her, leave her gifts, and still think about/pray for her. Knowing that so many people still think about that little lady really touches my heart. Some days, its really hard to believe she was more than a dream because she was here and gone so quickly. Just great that we get reminders that she was real. Her visits with Anthony are either uneventful or less frequent. Anthony doesn't talk about or to her nearly as much. I don't know why, but I still allow him that time. Who am I to tell him she isn't there? I often speak like she's next to me, why can't he?
But its getting late, I'm exhausted, and need to get to bed really soon. Have a good night and thanks for keeping up with us!

Anthony misses "my sister"

Here's something heartbreaking. Anthony is showing just how well he understands that something is VERY different and wrong in our home. He's taken to staring at her photos and saying "My sister" when he sees them. He'll even give her a kiss. The past 3 nights, he's insisted on going to bed with her photo under his arm. Tell me that doesn't pull at your heart strings and make you want to cry. He's been so amazing through all this.

This kid has shown just how strong he is. He's gone from dealing with a pregnant momma to having to basically live in a hospital to living at home for the week days with just his papa (going to daycare during the day, nights alone with papa) and living at the Ronald McDonald house on the weekends, spending the whole day cramped up in a tiny room the size of our living room and dining room with 2 tables and lots of other people coming and going. And when we were in final stages of Bailey's short life, he was living almost 18 hours a day in the hospital (luckily there were other kids to play with from time to time and a few play areas on the lower levels. When we came back home, he had the hardest time sleeping back in his crib and sleeping through the night. Everyone he was used to was back, but he knew there was a huge change. The first week back home, we were always on the go. Making plans for a wake and funeral, buying this and that, getting things together and making sure that we had everything in order for her burial, and all the aftermath from all that. That's a lot for a kid. Luckily he's started sleeping through the night almost every night and getting through the day without seeing his momma lose her wits. I admit I still get super short with her, but I have to struggle and tell myself that its not his fault that Bailey is gone. She's watching out for him now. He's not at fault for my pain, he's the reason that I can function as well as I can.

He's showing so much strength, its crazy to see that he's so amazing. He's learning so many words, putting them together in logical sequence, and communicating pretty well what he wants and everything. We've even given potty training a try and with the use of the new Huggies Slip Ons (I laughed when they made these, but they are GREAT for potty training! Like Pull Ups but much cheaper!), we've made a lot of progress. He notices when he has to go and he doesn't like it when his diaper is wet at all. He loves going potty in the chair because he knows he's going to get praised and his diaper will stay dry. We are thinking about switching to underwear before a real long time. We have tons of size 3 diapers, but we might just put them off to the side for now. He's been doing so great with it. He still tends to forget when he's got other things going on, but for the most part, diapers last a LOT longer now. Its great to be able to say that I can make a box of diapers last a month!

He's grown out of all his 12 month stuff (He's sprouted up a little bit!) and doesn't fit into almost all his 18 month onesies. He's in almost all 24m/2T stuff, but its still too big around. For now, we love the adjustable waist on things, but if they don't have that kind of waist band, I use a clip that is meant for keeping your sheets on your bed and clip that on the belt loops. It works, looks like a belt, and we don't have to worry about them slipping down. They are too long, but that just means that he'll get to wear them for a while. Last time we weighed him (about a month ago?) he was 25 lbs pretty much on the dot. Going to have to do it again soon because he's starting to get a little bit of a belly. It pretty much appears when he is done eating and goes away through the day between meals. He's still super scrawny though. No idea where he gets it from.

Nothing too big to report right now. He has his birthday party on Nov 20th, so I'll have to remind myself to post after that. I can't wait to see him swimming and see how he reacts to it all now!

Thanks for hanging in there, dealing with our crazy lives, and the love and support. Its been a tough time since Bailey, but we are getting along ok.

Bailey would have been 3 months old on the 13th. We remembered by me going out to her headstone and putting back her flowers. I had to take them out because the vase on her headstone had moved. We aren't sure why, but to make sure that it wouldn't move again because of the flowers, we took them out and waited to put them back until there was some time between when they remounted it and we put them back in, making sure the stuff had a better chance to set up. I was there when the guy was pretty much done assembling and installing her headstone, but I hung back. It was just me in the car (Anthony passed out in the back seat) and just seeing that headstone made me lose it. It somehow made it all the more real that she's gone and instead of holding her, I have this cold granite stone heart with a bear to hold and talk to. They did an amazing job. I love the foot prints and the image on the bottom of the heart. Helps make it all the more real that she was here, she was alive, she was even here long enough that she got a social security card before her diagnosis was in. We even went back out on the 15th (Remembrance Day) with a princess balloon and put her name and the date for the miscarriage on there and released it. I didn't get a chance to get a good photo because the wind was crazy strong and ended up blowing the balloon across the cemetery and into the neighbor's trees. By the time we drove around to their property line, the balloon was gone. I'd like to believe that it made it out and made it up to her. I know it probably didn't, but let me believe what I want.

I look at her photos all the time and wonder where she would fit into our family right now. When Adam and Anthony are chasing each other in the house, what would us girls be doing? Would she be like her brother and attatch herself to me or would she be closer to her papa? What milestones would she have reached by now? Would she still have that amazing copper red hair? What kind of personality would she be showing us? If she hadn't died in the NICU, would she be home now? What would she have been like if she hadn't needed the NICU at all? How would life be different? But most of all, would I be as thankful for what I have if she would have lived? That last one, I'm not too sure. But I know I would give anything to have her back and my family whole again. Breaks my heart that she's gone. Its a sad and isolating thing, infant loss is. People get uncomfortable talking to you about their kids, the child you lost, the circumstances, etc. They even stop talking to me altogether, which just hurts. I don't know if they understand just how badly I want people to talk about her. I might cry or I might freeze when talking about her, but let me know that you haven't forgotten. I know I haven't. I know I never will. Don't avoid me. That just makes me wonder if you were ever a friend at all.

I'm not going to clutter up the kids' blog with any of the rest of this. I have another blog (or two) for that.

I'm going to end by saying, I love you, kids. You are an amazing addition to my life, all three of you. I never got to meet or hold my "oldest", but I've been much more aware of that loss when we lost you. Anthony, you have kept Momma and Papa going through some of the hardest days. Keep it up lil man, we love you for the smiles you make us smile! Bailey, You will always be my lil lady. I'll never forget the whole pregnancy, the birth that showed me that I CAN give birth naturally, even when the contractions are out of control and that last one is 30+ minutes long. You also showed me the strength I can draw upon when it comes to my family. I now appreciate everything SO much more. I miss my angels who are gone and love them JUST AS MUCH as the one I get to hold daily. Thank you for blessing me. God, you've done a great job in giving me amazing kids. I pray that you bless me with more amazing miracles to help shape my life into what you want me to be. I try not to ask "Why?" because that's something only you know, but I'll try to remember to say my Thanks, even though I don't know why things are going the way they are.

Precious time lost

For anyone who hasn't been clued in, we did have the baby. Please check out the following site, as I really don't want to have to repeat all of it over again. I'll update about Anthony and everything else later on, right now its just so hard to get through each day.

www.caringbridge.com/visit/baileygosiak

Please sign the guest book if you haven't already. You can't comment on each journal entry, but if you want, you can comment on here. I'll answer any questions anyone may have. For more info on Bailey's lung condition (ACD) please go to the following link. Its pretty good with the info. And please look into buying a reminder car ribbon. Proceeds go to help with research to hopefully find a cause and ultimately a cure for this horrible congenital disease.

www.acd-association.com

We will be planning some sort of fundraising in Bailey's honor for her birthday. Keep checking back for details on that. Might be a little while, but we do want to do this and every little bit helps.

In the mean time, please keep the prayers for peace coming. Its a long, hard road to go down after losing your child. Trust me, this is a million times worse than our miscarriage was. Both suck big time, but this was more than just slightly life altering.

Week 37...what a week!

Omg I couldnt have planned this past week (friday july 1 to today, thursday july 7) to have so much going on. So, friday we had an appointment in st cloud and no sitter. This was supposed to be the first appointment with a st cloud ob and finish the transfer from Little Falls. I had called days in a row and begged my files to be transferred, get an appointment with the desired dr, and making sure its on the right day and at a good time. Well, my files got transferred on monday june 27 when my ob faxed them down again. The appointment was made for friday and I was given a call telling me when my appointment was and all those details. Great news, right? Nope! Found a last minute sitter (Thank you Holly!!!) that Anthony adores and we also got a glowing recommendation from Holly about this dr. Even better, right? Nope! Why? Well, we show up early (quite a feat for us!) and try to check in. Only to find out that the appointment wasn't with dr Stocker like we had pushed for. It was with dr Thompson. Now, I try not to judge for any reasn, but we had never met this dr. We had met dr Stocker while at our last perinatal appointment. Little did we know that Stocker was probably wanting to see us a week previous because he knew he had his vacation coming. We did what we did, cancelld the dr appointment and just did al the required stuff that day.

Thing is, when the message was recorded, the chick said the dr's name so quietly that i didnt hear her say the wrong dr's name. Great huh? 37 weeks to the day and I dont get the dr i asked and begged for. That had me MAD!!! I couldnt believe it. So, we made another appointment with another dr that came with some high remarks, and we did the reqired stuff (talking about health and family history, etc.) and went on our way.

Fourth of July had its moments. I'll keep them to myself. Let's just say it had great moments and moments of disaster.

Well, fast forward a few days. I've been having contractions and some were enough to scare me into thinking its time to go. Luckily it wasnt...until 12:30 am thursday morning. Yea, thats today. I had contractions beating me up, consistent, and close. around 3:30 am, we headed out the door with our freshly packed bags and very awake toddler.We dropped Anthony off at the mil's and kept going to the hospital. I was so sure that since Erika had had her baby, I was safe to pop out our lil bundle. Well, the contractions weren't consistent or close enough for them. They had us walk the floor for an hour and at 7am head back to our room to get checked. On the 27th, I was about 1.5 and 50%. Not much but thats ok. The nurse checks me and says 3 and about 50%. Not enough fo them to keep us. Now, this was at shift change. The day nurse sucked royally. She had no personality or sense of humor. she told me i was a 2 just barely. She just made me feel like I had never done this before and didnt have a clue about labor. She and the dr kept telling me my labor was stalling out and i needed to get up and walk if I wanted to keep it going. Well I have had sciatic pains this whole pregnancy and after walking the halls for an hour, i had my sciatic nerve firing off along with a sore ankle from trying to walk fast but quietly down the halls so as to not wake anyone, especially those who had babies in their rooms.

Yea, I got sent home. Told that my contractions werent doing anything because she werent consistent and growing in power. We asked if they would do pitocin to get things going because I've been having contractions this whole week and we needed a lil help. Nope, not unless you are 39 weeks, they cant do anything because this reason or that. Nevemind we live an hour away, this timing was horrible and being sent home with no baby was likely going to increase the chance that we end up back there in the next few days trying again. He even explained what false labor is to me, rather than asking me if I needed someone to tell me what had happened. I felt like a lil kid being scolded. Yes, I know its his duty to explain everything and i doubt he wanted to be talking to me like that to make me feel stupid, but he did nonetheless. He even told us (knowing we live an hour away) to keep the appointment at 3pm. it was nearly 9 when we got send away. I'm not going to hang out in st cloud for 6 hours, but it doesnt pay to go the whole way home, just to have to come back for the appointment. Wht would he do in 6 hours that he couldnt do right then in the room at the hospital?? He also said he could give me morphine or another drug used for asthma patients to stop the contractions and help me sleep. EXCUSE ME?!? You are willing to say no to pitocin for all the reasons in the book despite protests, but are willing to dope me up with narcotic drugs when you KNOW our baby has a heart condition and who knows what the baby would do or how it would handle the drugs? I think we are on different planets. Obviously i said no each time he offered (several times while we were at the hospital and during our appointment) but that didnt stop him from bringing it up again.

We went to adam's parents and decided to eat and take a nap. We had tried what we had tried, may as well just see what happens. Yea, they stopped and we still went back for the appointment. Nevermind that i felt really roughed up from being checked constantly. I ended up getting a lecture about how dehydrated i was becuase of urine color, I was this, I was that, and that me being so dehydrated is why we had a false alarm. Thanks captain obvious. I just had to get the rest of the contractions to stop so i could go about the rest of my day. He was a lil helpful in one way though. he penciled us in for an induction on the 15th, when we'll be 39 weeks. He wont be there (HUGE sigh of relief!!), but the dr we tried to see last week will be back and probably be willing to do this for us. I thought finally and accepted that plan of action. We find out monday what dr Stocker wants to do. if not the 15th, we'll be put on schedule for that following monday. Finally an end date! I can tell my family when baby will be here by so they can make plans. I think that really helps us all.

So theres the plan. Theres the stupid details from the week that made me want to give it a shot and deliver in Little Falls anyway, but I know its not smart fir the baby's health. I just pray we dont have to do any of this again with them.

I plan on blogging for anthony soon. This kid just wont stop growing!!

Until then, i need much more sleep. Pray for us and that God keep His hand on us!

Anthony's turn!

So, I posted about the baby earlier, time for Anthony's post.

Lordy how this kid has grown. He is just insane. He now runs round the house making noise all the time, making me laugh hysterically at his goofy antics. He'll run around screaming, saying new words, playing with his toys, you name it. He loves how he and Adam play. They play hard too. Adam chases Anthony into our room, then Anthony turns the tables and chases Adam. They play peek a boo extreme, bounce on the bed, tickle/rib/toe nibbling, then, just when Adam asks for a break, Anthony breaks out the "aga! (again)". I think Adam has lost some weight and his arms are getting big again from throwing Anthony in the air and the major playing they do. I love watching them play and just wish I could join in. breaks my heart that I can't. But I know I'll be able to as soon as the baby is here.

Anthony has grown by leaps and bounds. He's about 23lbs, 31.5 inches tall, and has a melon that just grew again. His weight percentile has gone up a few points, his height is still in the same range, and his head has jumped back up again, near the 90%. I swear its from all the words he's learned. He has added many, even just in the past week! Kitty (he said this clear as day), mow (meow), high chai (high chair), whosthere, whosit (whos there, who is it), see (sippy), jae (jake, mil's dog), ousigh (outside), buh buh (bye bye, complete with wave), mini (minion, from the movie despicable me and a blowup toy of his), soos (shoes, as he puts them on to go ousigh). I'm sure I'm missing a bunch, but those are the newest ones. Well, he just reminded me of more. Okah (okay), uh uh oh (uh oh), nuh nuh (we think its no no by how he uses it), bah (bath).

We have started thinking about a haircut. Its starting to hang over his ears and one section even trails down his back. Its just so cute to see. I'll be sad, but its not like we hve hd to cut it often. His cousin Gage has already had 3 haircuts. Its so crazy how kids can be so different!

Anthony also had a blast at his godparents last weekend whe we went down for their baby shower. He warmed up to Morgan again very quickly, while it took a little more time to go to Anna. But by te end of the weekend, he showed them just how much babyproofing they have to do and what they are in store for. I think that they are a little more ready after 24 hours with us. Anthony even had fun at my uncle's with their dog. I dont know what Anthony will think when he larns just how crazy my uncle can be. But he also entertained my cousins and some of their friends. One friend even tried to pick up Anthony and spin around with him. I laughed pretty hard when she hurried to put him down before she fell. Good way to let them know kids arent all fun!

He finally got one of his molars last week! On top of the double ear infection he got around the beginning of the month, its been a little crazy around here. Ear infection has been treated and we are just waiting for next month for his follow up. His molar though is his top right. its still cutting through, but for the most part, its there and shouldnt be causing him any more pain. I am suspecting that the one on the other side is starting to move.

All in all, he's growing up really fast. I can't believe that he is 19 months old, walking, talking, running, and stealing hearts. Soon enough, he'll be the older brother helping me with the baby and I'll be working on potty training. *sigh* where does the time go?

My three ring circus week

Ok, so this week was beyond circus in my book. Monday started extra early (5:30) with Anthony being woke up by the idiot upstairs stomping around like a pissed off toddler and his tv was beyond cranked high. I could hear not only the voices, but I could almos understand the words. Not even a narcoleptic could have slept through that racket. So i bring Anthony out to the couch in hopes that we get to crash out. Nope. I started feeling cramps and a few contractions. Yay, preterm labor with a baby with a heart defect. Great. So I started gulping the water like my life was in jeopardy. Didn't do much. I tried to stay calm and not focus on what was going on. No such luck. Well, after calling the hopital in Little Falls, my regular ob, the clinic in st cloud, and a few other calls, Adam and I decided better get to the hospital. My ob had said to go to the hospital in st cloud just in case I deliver. yay. So much to do and prep. So Adam leaves work running out the door and I'm sure more than a few concerned looks. He gets home in time for me to get Anthony to sleep for his nap. Adam took Anthony and I got to hop in the shower.

Get out of the shower, I notice the contractions (which were very irregular in strength, duration, and frequency) had slowed even more. Adam and I talked and decided not to go to the hospital, but get an appointment with the ob for that day. Got squeezed in and found out its a good thing the contractions stopped. I had started dialating and thinning out. 1.5 cm and 50%. Adam told me that I was now a sahm again. He'd work my last shift and all since it had been getting harder and harder to work without having others do most of the job for me.

Fast forward to Wednesday. Big dr appointment in st cloud. Ugh those have turned into such a pain, but whatever it takes for the baby. We woke up late (of all days for Anthony to sleep in! lol) and had to play catch up. Dropped Anthony off and flew down to the clinic. Just get inside the health plaza's big parking lot cluster and out of NO WHERE comes this mint green blur, flying past my side of the car in the opposite direction. Mind you, its only 1 laneeach direction, this suv came out of the bushes!! JUST missed hitting us. I had no idea what was going on because I had my nose in the baby name book. I didnt see much. By the time I had a chance to say "WTF??? Adam had the car turned around and was going back to make sure the driver was ok. Pull up to where you come into the paring area and see an suv turned 180degrees from thbe directon it had been going. Dirt, twigs, and grass all over, glass filled the intersection, and there were some various car parts scattered on either side of the road.

Adam ent to make sure she was ok while I called the police. I had to stay back because I could feel my blood pressure rising. Come to find out, the lady was trying to park and her car wouldn't stop. We suspect that she confused the gas and the brake. She ended up flying out of one of the parking lots (there are mini parking lots around the building), through a bush filled median, through another parking lot, into another grassy/bush filled area (surrounding a deep ditch that is filled wth water, but she didnt go through that part, thankfully), past us with feet to spare, saw she was heading toward a busy road and cranked her wheel, which caused her to slide into a light pole, bounce off that and spin around to where the car finally stopped. When she had hit the pole, it ripped the metal panel of her back door off from the hinge side, blew out the windows on the passenger side, smashed the rear passenger wheel in the wrong directon 45degrees, ripped off the piece of plastc that goes along the running board, ripped off the hub cap, bolt cover, and a few other pieces. By the grace of God, she wasnt hurt except she might have smashed her ear into the door when she hit the pole. Made us late for the appointment, but it was worth it to know she was the only person involved in the whole thing and she was ok.

Get into the appointment and no shocker here, my blood pressure was 20 points over where it always is. Get into the ultrasound room and start measuring. Baby's head is measuring about 3 weeks ahead and the rest of the body is about 2 weks ahead. The computer estimates this baby to weigh about 6lb 9 oz, give or take 3/4 lb. BIG BABY! Thats quite big for having 5 weeks to go. Crazines continues a bit when baby makes it hard to get a very good picture of the heart. Dr comes in and does his own try and sees that one side of the heart has started compensating for the low oxygen level and has started to get bigger on one side. Yes, something else to be concerned with now, but we are far from done with seeing drs. Its not something to freak out about now, but it could cause us to have to move up surgery. Its looking like I wont be allowed to go over at all, if anything, we might be looking at delivering before 40 weeks. Dont know but we'll find out I'm sure soon enough. Other than that, nothing has changed except baby growing big. We have one more appointment with our regular ob before we move onto a st cloud ob. Come to also find out, its good that we are going to deliver in st cloud, our ob will be on vacation! If she were in the delivery room, she would tell everyone to chill because of the baby's issues, but since she isnt, she feels better knowing we are going to st cloud.

We have at least 1 more appointment with the clinic dr we've been seeing with a possible appointment with the cardiologist, dr chip. No appointment set yet, but thats coming soon enough.

So here I sit, unemployed, very pregnant, and blogging from my phone. What a trip this i becoming!! Well, I'm going to get the little man down for his nap then we get to head into the store to get some milk and stuff. I'll post something for Anthony later on. I'm just too pooped and frustrated with my phone. Please excuse the errors, I'll try to fix them later.

Dr Chip

What a great dr we have! Technically, he had the day off so he could talk to some high school kids. Well, i think that someone passed the word along that we were really upset about not geting to talk to him last month. He took the time yesterday after his talk to come to the clinic where we were and talk to both of us face to face. Yea, he had called the wednesday after our appontments last month, but I wanted Adam to get to talk to him and hear what he had to say. Well, we think we have a bit of good news to report. Starting off, there are no changes in the downs possibilities and there are still holes in the baby's heart. The change Dr Chip thinks he sees is that the hole between the ventricles (the lower chambers) may be growing shut. This is great news!! If it does grow shut, we could be able to push off surgery until about 9 months old. But if it doesnt, we are looking at surgery around 3 months old. There are also no bowel obstructions to report to date. Still something to watch and all, but so far, so good! So, where does that leave us to date? We have made a few changes in our plans. Now, we have decided to deliver in St Cloud insead of Little Falls. The reasons for this change are for better care for the baby. Knowing the he

art defect is there, we know that the baby's blood oxygen level wil be about 85. For normal people, their blood oxygen level (also called the pulse ox)is upper 90's to 100. knowing this ahead of time, St Cloud will know whats going on and not get worried. But Little Falls might find issue with this and send the baby down to St Cloud anyway. Then (of course) I'd send Adam to be with the baby and I would be stuck in Little Falls, recovering. No where near my baby. Obviously not a good thing! Plus, if we deliver in St Cloud, we can take the baby for an echocardiogram the day after birth and Dr Chip can make sure all is ok for the time being and we can put a plan in place for surgery. Great things, huh? So, I'm saddened that I won't be delivering with Dr Susan, but we all know that once kids are in the equation, the main concern is never you. Its all about the kids and their safety and well being.

So, thats where we stand. We have a picture that Dr Chip drew for us and I'll try to get that scanned in so I can explain what they'll do in the surgery and be able to point out the exact issues.

As for Anthony, we suspect he has at least one tooth coming in and its taking its dear sweet time. We've been batttling it for a weeks now. Anytime now, Mr Tooth!! Other than that, Anthony is working very well at sleeping through the night. He even really likes his bedtime around 9:30 and waking up around 8:30. He tends to wake up very refreshed and slightly hyper. Of course he also gets excited at the mention of breakfast. One whole orange and his oatmeal. What a kid!

He has added a few more words. I think I know what he's saying, but who really knows? He's added words like Again (agah!), thwoop (a sound effect from one of his new books, he says thwoo!), boo (buh!), quack (qua qua!), this (dis), sit (sih!). and of course more all the time. He has such a love of learning and books. He is always carrying around books, handing them to us and urging us to read to him. He even enjoys a book i liked when I was little called Chicka Chicka ABC. He lokes the BOOM BOOM parts. Such a nut!

On the potty training front, we are getting back on track a little. He sits on his potty when asked, and just the other day, he peed in the potty! Adam thinks I got him too excited because he grabbed the part that their business goes into and flung it into the air. Pee went all over him, me, his toy box, his toys, the towel, everything in range for a golden shower. But, you know that I couldn't scold him because that might make him afraid to potty in the chair again or make him upset when he atually did do a good thing. Plus the kid was already upset about getting drenched. He hasn't done anything in there yet again, but we are working on it and trying to keep patience.

We had two Easters this year. One was the weekend before with Adam's dad's side (it was Grandpa Florian's birthday too) but sadly, Anthony got very little sleep the night before and was starting this teething, so he was less than happy the whole time. He cried through dinner, barely went looking for eggs, and was an all around grump. We didn't worry though since we still had another Easter day for all that. The next weekend went better. Anthony had a blast exploring the park, going down the slide, going on a seesaw, swinging, and all the running around. He even ate a fair amount at dinner! We hit a snag after dinner when we tried to change his diaper (he had held his pee for awhile and ended up letting it fly during the diaper change. NOT good. Poor kid ended up needing a wardrobe change before egg hunting. The bigger kids were mostly done by the time we go out there, but i think that was best. Then the older kids were checking out their findings while Anthony was looking for the eggs Adam had held back for the lil man. Anthony loved looking for eggs. He mostly liked finding the egg, cracking it open, and throwing the candy on the ground. He was more interested in the egg! After the hunt, we let him play for a bit before heading home. Poor kid crashed out for the whole ride home! He was so cute for both Easters and made me cry when I saw him eating a sugar cookie. He's growing up so fast. In fact, I need to make a drs apointment for him (and myself) for two weeks from now for his 18 month check up.

18 months. OMG! Thats a long time for a mom! It goes by so fast and it seems like in the blink of an eye, your baby is grown, walking, talking, and feeding themselves. Learning to use a potty chair, exploring the world, and showing their independence. Thank God he still comes running to us when he needs that bit of comfort or likes to flash that big toothy grin when he's looking for approval. Even now, he just tried a headstand on the other side of the couch. Silly boy. I wonder how he'll handle the new baby and how our family dynamic will be enhanced. Going to be interesting. Stay tuned, I guess!

OH! and THANK YOU to those who take the time to read rather than just asking us over and over after each appointment or expecting a phone call. This is much more time efficient.And I know that everyone is straight on the details. Now to get th lazies on board...